Attention Hurricane Newbies: A Guide for Those on the East Coast

Miss you Mr. Nash.

     I can't help it, I don't know why, but whenever there is a hurricane I find myself plastered to the TV.  Perhaps it's because it's something I've grown up with.  I guess I'm sort of old school; I grew up when a hurricane in the Gulf meant that the entire Gulf practically shut down with trying to guess which way she was going to go.  New Orleans had Nash Roberts, (The Weather God), so not only did we have the advantage of a psychic meteorologist, (seriously he was born with a caul), we also had a guy who taught us about the weather when we watched the weather.  I miss Nash and his black marker; I just don't trust anyone else like I trusted Nash.  Oh well, I digress...

      Ahem.  Here Goes...

1.  The kids will always break the flashlight or use up the batteries.  Always

2.  If Jim Cantore aka The Angel of Death, shows up in your town, evacuate.

3.  When the insurance adjuster shows up, remember they get bonuses for keeping their numbers low so crying won't help.

4.  If the contractor's license plate is from out of state, remember that guy is no helpmate.  He will instead deplete your estate.

5.  Fly tape.

6.  For your own sake clean out your freezer and BBQ for the neighbors.  Rancid meat smell, not good.

7.  The generator doesn't like you and will refuse to start on the first seventeen tries.

8.  You are going to curse yourself for putting tape on those windows.

9.  You have a 50% chance of FEMA losing your 7 page application, so drive that 50-100 miles for the electricity to make copies.

10.  People will loot your house and steal your identity, (see #4 for out of state license plate).  Seriously.

11.  You will cry when served a hot meal after two weeks of eating vienna sausage and spam.

12.  The National Guard love to watch newbies use those heating elements in MREs.  Ouch.

13.  It takes 3x longer to put everything back in the yard than it did to pick it up.

14.  You will learn that the people at the GAP insurance for your car are going to be simply amazed that you want to file a claim.  (By the way, there were no less than 15 different items I needed to gather up before they would honor the claim so just a heads up on the scavenger hunt they are going to send you on.)

15.  The only way to stay somewhat sane is to laugh at yourself.