Thursday, February 24, 2011
Lovin' Me a Smart Ass in Training
Trying to get a four year old kid to eat a decent lunch is hard enough in a house with a coca-cola cake sitting in full view on the counter, but throw in the chips, and a sandwich just isn't going to appeal. As anyone knows one doesn't order a four year old to eat and think it's going to end well, you have to go at it like a poker player. So there we are at the table, Blondie, (Clint Eastwood) and Doc Holiday, (Val Kilmer), (I'm Doc), looking at our hands and playing with the chips eyeing one another;(cue the theme music from The Good, The Bad), and...
I open with, "Okay, I'll give you three chips for three bites of sandwich." "No. I want three chips for one bite of sandwich." The child expertly pulls a straw from the juice box wrapper, slips it between her lips and chews on the end as if it were a stogie and squints at me hard. I realize I'm not playing with any ordinary four year old so I try another tactic. "Okay, I'll raise you one handful of chips for one quarter of the sandwich." A few moments of silence and then, "Okay, I'm in."
So we sit in companionable silence eating until we come down to the last chip. Suddenly Blondie says, "I need more chips." "But you didn't finish that quarter of your sandwich yet." The straw shifts from the right side of her mouth over to the left with one flick of the tongue. "But I'm almost finished so I should get more chips." "You don't get any more chips until you finish another quarter of that sandwich." Blondie knows how this poker game goes and that while Doc lives up to a bargain, she isn't going to cave in either. She squints across the table working that straw back and forth between her lips, (she's got a juice box habit that's hard to kick), back and forth, back and forth. Time seems to stand still. Just when I think we are going to have to draw from under the table, she reaches down and snaps the single chip left in her plate in two. "HA, SO WHAT?" she shouts. "NOW I'VE GOT TWO CHIPS!" I love me a smart ass.