To be honest I didn't want to come on here and make a post on my weight at all and so I am forcing myself to do this today. I gained weight. I tried on a couple of outfits to wear to my kid's graduation and the one I liked least is the one I looked best in and I just don't want to face the world with my weight gain. I started this weight loss thing because I was feeling uncomfortable, unhealthy and wanted to look better. I didn't go into this with impossible expectations or the idea that my weight affects how I feel about myself as a person. I'm beginning to wonder about that last one.
When the dress that I so happily found looking much better last week wasn't looking so great this week I felt depressed, frustrated and like I had disappointed J. I hate that. My weight doesn't have anything to do with who I am and yet when I saw pictures of myself in a bathing suit on Saturday I wanted to cry. I know I'm 50 pounds overweight, but geez I was shocked to see me looking like a fat middle aged woman.
This past week has been filled with a Memorial Service, an interment and dinner, three birthdays, and a graduation party. Basically that's been five cakes, a thousand tiny muffalettas, jambalaya, meatballs, brownies, cupcakes, pizzas, brisket, BBQ, etc. I have eaten my face off and the gain of just a couple of pounds shows big time.
So I said all of this to say this: Backsliding on the weight loss has given my ego a hit and I hate that. I may not be one of those confident people who always seem so certain they know who they are and what they are doing, but I don't want to be one of those people who are always beating up on themselves either. I used to be that person and I don't want to go back to being that person. I'm going to get back on the horse, but I'm wondering how to handle weight loss failures so that I'm not telling myself I'm horrible because I look horrible. Sigh, here are the stats:
Weight loss: none
Current weight: 144
Dream weight: 115